I think im going to throw up on grandma
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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