He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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