If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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