Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
