I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
