Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
