Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Well apparently he's into motor boating.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia

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(216): View more from Ohio

Someone shit on the floor

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(502): View more from Kentucky

if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it

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(519): View more from Ontario

We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.

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(786): View more from Florida

If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up

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(765): View more from Indiana

My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith

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(907): View more from Alaska

Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!

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