There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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