she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
