thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize