But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
