i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
