There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
