my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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