There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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