the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
