my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
