If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
