You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
