Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
