I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
