there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
