They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
