I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
