Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
