you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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