Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
