i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
