there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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