I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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