ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
