I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
