Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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