It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
