I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
