respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
