Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
