You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
