I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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