just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
