You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
