bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
