a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
