His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
