he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
ugly people sure do ruin things
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize