Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
