i think my mom watched the whole time
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
