I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize