oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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