I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
