All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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