Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
