I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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