how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Drunk is not a location!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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