I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
