Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
