Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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