I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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