You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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