This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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