She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
