Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
