The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
