We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
