porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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