You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
