I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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