when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Randomize