I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
