I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
