My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
